Tips for Co-Parenting During COVID-19
Under normal circumstances, co-parenting can be challenging enough. Trying to manage and maintain a healthy parenting plan during a pandemic, poses a whole new set of challenges, even for parents who previously co-parented amicably.
There are some specific things you can do to be a part of a solution rather than adding to the problem right now. I’ve seen these strategies work with my many clients who are navigating the uncertain waters of parenting, co-parenting after divorce and assisting their children with managing the anxiety associated with the pandemic.
Even as we begin to “REOPEN”, it’s going to be a long haul before we return to any sort of normalcy.
So, based on both my experience working as a Family Court Services Mediator, as well as a private practice therapist working with parents and children of divorce, over the next five posts, I’ll be sharing with you:
5 Things You Can Do to help your children and yourself, right now:
- Be Flexible
Like most everyone else, your routines have probably been disrupted. New issues and conflicts may be arising. The best thing parents can do in this time of uncertainty, as we all gingerly step toward rebuilding life and routines in the face of what looks to be a long-term health crisis, is to be flexible with one another, as co-parents.
Now is not the time for lofty or rigid parenting strategies.
We must all become more flexible, right now, whether we like it or not. This includes being more flexible with your Ex and with your children. The main theme for your family at this time should be: Flexible Adaptation.
- Don’t Stoke Conflict
Being flexible is great start, but that doesn’t always stop the conflict that a stressful situation like COVID can cultivate. The last thing you want to do is inflame anger or conflict with your Ex, right now. Folks are already on edge, as we attempt to tiptoe towards some kind of normalcy for ourselves and our children. When conflict is layered over Anxiety, it can only make matters worse.
It’s important that parents show a cool head and display teamwork during this uncertain time. This co-parenting during a clutch will put your children more at ease, as you both lead by example.
- Keep Your Cool
Let logic prevail, rather than overflowing emotions. You know your ex well enough to know when a fight is coming, so don’t push it. Stand above the fray. Keep your life calm and become a better you in the process. Choose your battles wisely and remember that most of them can wait for another day.
While you are only half of the co-parenting equation, how you behave can work powerfully to create and inflame conflict, or to foster peace and a sense of safety for your child and yourself, during these uncertain times.
So, put your most chill game face on, even if you’re not totally feeling it right now.
- Communicate, Communicate, Communicate
Don’t make assumptions when working with your Ex, just because that is what they have always done before. Things are different for us all right now. No matter how well you’ve known someone over the months or years, they may behave in unexpected ways right now. Expect and plan for the unexpected.
Make sure you’re both on the same page by repeating a question and then confirming your understanding of the plan. While it’s fine to communicate by phone, you may want to send a follow up text or email so you can both refer to it.
I know from the divorced parents I work with in my practice, that when they make plans or decisions without communicating with the other parent first, they typically end up in conflict with one another.
Why would you want to stoke the fire of conflict, especially right now?
Instead, do all you can to keep things comfortable and tolerable for your children, and for yourself. Find a way to compromise, at least for now.
- Get the Help and Support that You and Your Family Need
If you find that you and your ex are experiencing increased conflict co-parenting issues; If that you or your children are struggling to cope with COVID or general anxiety right now, You don’t have to go it alone.
We could all use a supportive expert in our corner, especially during times like these.
I provide remote, teletherapy sessions, as well as in-person office sessions for parents, co-parents, children and teens.
Call 805-544-0815 for a FREE 15-MINUTE PHONE CONSULTATION to explore strategies to get you and your family the support you need and deserve at this challenging time.